as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
