How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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