I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
