Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
