He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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