how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
