So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
