No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
