She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
