She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
