Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
