what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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