So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
