U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
