I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
