We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
