I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
