covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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