He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize