i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
