Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
