I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
