My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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