He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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