Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
