i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
