Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
