i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize