I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
