when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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