his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
