doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
