you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
