She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize