She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
