I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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