is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
