There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
