She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
