If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
