He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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