i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dear god my vagina.
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