And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
