This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize