I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
