I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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