member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
