I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
