if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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