I wish i was in the wii world.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
