i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
