I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
