Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
