after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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