at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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