I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
