he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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