Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
