You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
