nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My bed smells like the plague
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
