Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
