I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My pussy is not your playground.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
