I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
