my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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