Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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