They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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