Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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