I cannot find my penis.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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