she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
