I just pynch a tree in the face
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
