Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I would ride that face into the sunset
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
