i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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