I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
