i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Let's get the cat blown out
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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