I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just invented taco cereal.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
